Enjoy your death by your “taxi”. I would become a ballroom dancer. (claps hands with little jumps) Princesses are always pretty, perky, and very, very brave. . In this hilarious monologue, Gretel sets the story straight about what really happened with the Witch and the Candy House. . . . . . . (Twirling hair and looking blank) . Funny monologue for female - comedy solo stage script From "The Pirate and the Princess" ISBN-13: 978-1515169765 Book: Amazon.com PDF: Sellfy.com "A Golden Tooth" Short monologue for male From "The Pirate and the Princess" ISBN-13: 978-1515169765 Book: Amazon.com PDF: Sellfy.com "My Whipping Boy" Monologue for Female - child, kid, teen - … . I'm not really Prince Edwin of Morovia? . You are a spy. . . (tilt head thinking a moment) Except Dr. Suess. I mean, I could spend all my time posting on Instagram like everyone else in my class. They told me was time for me go to Spy School. I hate the 1950's! . (say very enthusiastically) I love . Free at last! . . Are they insects? It goes hilariously, disastrously wrong. " . That was when my Mother had her meltdown. Nothing! . . I got an A on my Science test and was so excited. . . . (looking around again upset ) This is a disaster. . Normal. If I go to summer school that will be on my permanent records forever. . ". “Dude, can you build a damn? And it’s like (pause as if searching for the right word) time stops. . I decided to go home and took the short cut through the cemetery like I always do and then I saw Mrs. Murphy. . (Panicked voice that rises with each line in desperation) What if I fail? A Longer Version, approx 1.5 - 2 minutes, is included in this purchase. People were uh . .I’m a spy. I am clearly the Prince. My utility belt! (gesture at face) This is my best scary face. (widen eyes) A picture of my Mother with big, poofy hair. Everyone expected another T-Ball Terror. . Oh, who am I kidding? Date anyone who will go out with you. Now I need to stop at Starbuck’s every day. . Chased by Dobermans, thrown into a pit of snakes and I can’t even talk about the room full of spiders. . Welcome to the Circus of Wonders! . . . . . Finally, don’t forget to stop at Scooterland where you can hop aboard and experience all the wonders of Suburbia. . ". . . . Much better than when you were 12.”  (Groan) That sounded terrible. How did this happen? . Monologue A monologue is a "long speech given by a character in a story, movie, play, etc., or by a performer". . . . Don’t look at me like that. . If you do not find the exact resolution you are looking for, then go for a native or higher resolution. (Back to normal voice) Joe, you do know this isn’t Hulk Survivor right? Forget Ariel. . What is a llamacorn? . . . Holds up paper as he recites) Let’s see, 2 children, ages 6 & 8, one male, one female, slightly disheveled but healthy, offered to highest bidder on ebay. Even your 2nd cousin who looks like a squirrel. . A hilarious monologue about a bumbling police officer in pursuit of a Stormtrooper grabbing "criminal". (heroic stance)  But my country wants me to retrieve it and failure is not an option. (look shocked) What? “Dude, what’s up? A little girl simply does not understand why her parents don't realize she's a big girl now. . Another little girl. . I’ll just google. . I’m not going to be Bloody anything. (singsong voice)  “Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey.” Which are really disgusting by the way but my Mommy made me eat it. No, no, no! . . .? (confused expression) I didn’t understand. . (Panicked, terrified voice)   Someone was trying to break into my house! (pleading tone with hands clasped imploringly)  I’m begging you. I’m not like everyone else. 4 minutes is also included featuring a paragraph about prank calls. " . Want to catch a movie?” But nothing came out. But how do I accomplish my mission? And a Longer Version, approx. . An Even Longer Version, approx. I will paint you. "Attention World! An IQ over 160. . A Shorter Version, approx. . . . . . Do you believe in fairies? . . . And uh . . . . A quiet student by day, a superhero by night. . . I’m brave - (dangerous, glaring expression) “Listen Mr. Killer shark. Finally, move on. . (Folds paper and put in pocket)   This is a nightmare. . Drop that weapon because I have (pull out of pocket and hold up in air) Catnip. The dog walking people were not very happy about that. I have my own plans today. .". When looking for comedy monologues, pick one that is … . I got detention again but it was worth it. Pin. . . . . . (sarcastic) Thanks for all the support family. . ), "Thank you for awarding me the Babysitter of the Year award. (count off on your fingers) A pony, the latest Iphone, a closet full of designer clothes, my own water park, (spread arms) anything my heart desires. Was there a horse shortage at the North pole? Long dinners, court and language lessons all get very boring and sometimes a Princess just needs a nap! . . I don’t want to be usual or expected. . . That happened to me. . (use Southern accent) “Git off that swing. Did she mean I have to do the laundry now? Lucky Penny, Supernatural Private Eye keeps the streets of Washington, DC safe from vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and ghouls. . I’m gonna kill myself. (look around and then pick up ball)  Where’s that ball? . I loved it and I think I did really well! "Best prank ever! But then she finds out she is modeling winter coats. . Princess Anne Marie Benningforth is not going to be handed off to some random Prince so her father can negotiate a treaty. (roll eyes) . (Looking around) What a strange place. The Chipinator is on the job . Monologues for Kids Share. Your first best friend. . . (tilt head confused) But I never find out why because by the time the Trolls start talking, I need a nap. Oh sure his Dad is a pirate and his grandfather was a pirate but why does everyone just assume he wants to be a pirate too? . . A Shorter Version, approx. . . Death taxis, talking Siris and what does "$5.99" mean? Want to dance? The Cake Princess is taking over your title! . . Play two entirely different characters, changing faces and expressions as you argue with yourself. . (wide eyes with unhappy face)  The teacher, Mrs. Jack Sprat, glared at me and the kids wouldn’t stop laughing. (Brave, superhero face and stance, heroic voice)“Why hello, my trusted companion. .". Noir monologue done with Humphey Bogart attitude and humor. . I’d even be happy if I ended up being invisiboy like my Mom. . . . . My Mom told me it was too boring and then sent me a video demonstration of how I should do it. I didn’t dream about swimming when I was 5. Money. . . "When I was little, I watched the movie “The King and I” on television. I did a comedy routine. Did Thing 1 and Thing 2 shrink his brain? . . ". ". 2 and 1/2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. " "Today I discovered Cotton Candy heaven. And the Grey Poupon? All Monologues from Plays ← Working On Your Monologue: Break It Down; I Almost Forgot To Say Thank You → MB Team. . . . Like I totally lost my sheep. . ". . I kicked and bowled and dribbled and carried balls. 1 minute, which adds adorable commentary about Jack and the Beanstalk, is included in this order. Princes got to have lots of adventures. (smile, perky happy voice)   He brought me a cupcake for lunch and we held hands. . . ". . (yell while looking terrified)  Zombies! I have followers. . As in I’ve got “a condition” called Linsanity! . . . Today I lost my first tooth. This is ridiculous! What is a boy to do when he's surrounded by girls? . . Buddy the Elf finds out his Dad is on the Naughty List and decides he HAS to help him. Peppa Pig is accused of not being a proper pig. . your hair looks great. Stay in the middle of the road. . "Dear Mom and Dad. .". ". . Joe Mine. She is going to be a Doctor and nothing was going to distract her from her goals. . . Baby-sitter Debbie Jellinsky tries to seduce uncle Fester to steal all his money. . I'm Grumpy . I kept screaming “Help! . (clench teeth)  Every single time! All Quizzes; Musical theatre quizzes; Opera quizzes; Stage play quizzes; Member Leaderboard; The Showstopper Blog; Log in; Sign Up; Sign up. . . Next, learn know how to give directions. . May I smell your hand some more? . You blockhead! But does my family support my new addiction? (cocky face with hands on hips) Hmmm. Wait. . . . . Me? (worried) And everyone starts calling me the girl with the sweaty hands. . But I am super smart. . Not practically, but perfect. . . Dish Number 2. ". Maybe, my Mommy doesn’t know that. Especially when your latest Instagram post only has 4 likes. (wave)  My name is Little Miss Muffet. (shocked face)  No! A Shorter Version, approx. "I am having a terrible day. . . . Would you like a piece of candy? I refuse to go through that again. It should show off your acting ability and generally match your personality. How do people live with no internet? . "Let’s face it. . . Because there was always someone sly and sinister who pretended to be your friend but was secretly trying to take over the kingdom. .I had my new driver’s license in my wallet, my Mom was in the passenger seat and I was ready for my first road test. . . I admit it. They’re too distracting. (clear throat, very business like)  The chemical formula of aluminum monofluoride is AIF. . . (place hands on hip)  Hansel! Driving? . Yesterday Leonardo di Vinci came to see me.. . ". . Dude, did we get invaded last night?” (change voice to sound like a scared little kid) “Mommy, there’s a monster on the wall! My name? A Longer Version, approx 1.5 minutes, is included in this purchase. Buy me a new yacht. . How are things in my kingdom today?”, (Sneaky, evil face with crouching body stance, sneaky voice) “All is well your majesty.”, (Brave, hero voice) “Then why are your evil minions trying to sneak into my castle? ", ". Legs are pretty cool. . .". (shudder & look disgusted)  . My brother had a laughing fit and my Dad wants to sign me up for therapy for my (change voice as you say strange & disturbing) “strange and disturbing addiction”. . Were you attacked? *No dance ability is required to perform this monologue other than knowledge of basic ballet terms. " You deserved an Oscar for that last performance. . . 1 and 1/2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. " . (Look up) Hello? . . . I am now officially a big sister. Useful for calling sheep. Just so you know Cosmo Teen, I have a wonderful personality. I’m going to go . . Tell you about myself? . . . desire a . . . . . . .". . . . . . 10 Funny Skits for 2 People. He’s always sticking things in his nose and once he ATE A BUG. . Stop the presses! . (bring both hands to mirror)   What is IT about football? . Half of your garment is torn off of you. . No Marmme. (very dramatically say yo as you indicate arm)  Yo! Dangerous Animals class, Explosions class - Mom, Dad, we need to talk. It should be: (Fling yourself to stage, as if you are suffering from the heat, very dramatically put hand on forehead when you say Climate change) “It’s hot. . . Hi! . Wait, WHAT? Kids Monologue for Girl 1: Charlie Brown Monologue Length: 1 minute. Come in. Droids are not supposed to have emotions. . . It's Assignment Day for Fairies and Ellie can't wait to find out what type of Fairy she's going to be. " . . (look up and cringe as if hearing a very loud sound) What was that? . . And how long should it last? I’m so bored and the only thing on television are these weird shows like Bonanza and I love Lucy. (sound triumphant) Words you could hear. . (tilt head thinking)  I should probably make that my new profile name on Instagram. . No. Me! It’s Rob Myers. (Make a disgusted face, scrunching up nose and act like stepping over mounds of clothing) I had to step over huge mounds of rotting clothes and empty food wrappers. . A Guardian begs to be reassigned to a different Human. . A girl gets her first twitter account but it's not turning out like she expected. . Hello? Oh and a helpful hint - travelers love it when you sing their directions. . It’s always “Was that a shadow?”  “Did you poison my drink?”  “You didn’t answer me right away. . My first pout. Hello. Criminal? At least now I can start following people. It's time for the Clock Climbing Oympics again. And spies are not much fun to hang out with. Bad witches never know directions and they can’t sing! . However, I must decline this honor. I tried to find it  but I got lost.". A Longer Version, approximately 1.5-2.00 minutes, is also included in this order. Remember to stay away from the Bully Corner. . Do they? " Nooooooooooooooo!!!!! It's just not fair! " . . . . My first dance lesson. (Shrug) Everyone here is unusual . Me. (Hands on hips with fierce expression) That’s my Supernatural Rule. . . . . But with a crossbow I can be a hero. . . . . .But for me Thursday night means acting class. But just as pressure and heat transform coal into diamonds, it's that frustration, social pressure and the heat of anger that transforms us into comedians. . I have the weirdest neighbors on the planet. .". Then pops her head up and smiles and says) Remember, you do believe in fairies. . Big problem! "Anna, I am so happy we’re besties now. . . I guard all day. I don’t want people to say “Make way, make way for the King of Soccer WHO CAN’T WRITE.” . (Actress gives dramatic fall to stage, coughs and “dies” dramatically. We’ll stop at cool places on the way. . . . . *Team in monologue is the Red Sox but permission is given to change the name of the baseball team and the name of the player mentioned. . (Shake head sadly as you look around) The worse part was when the people from the Emerald City arrived. WHAT IS UNDER MY BED?. I refuse to do that to myself. One less tortured soul howling at the moon. I can be mature about this. Everyone is so caught up in the Triton Festival that I can’t even swim in peace. I am NOT Ariel. But a comedian has the ability to use their anger and intelligence to refocus and reconstruct their pain into entertainment. . . Yesterday she bought me a pink sweater with a huge kitty on the front. . (big sigh) . (smile and look more comfortable) This is easy. Practicing and performing monologues can help children during auditions or simply to hone their ever-growing skills. (listen and then roll eyes) Oh please, don’t be silly. You'd know her if I pointed her out to... And why, I pray you? . "Conforming to a standard, usual, or expected". There are fabulous new dolls like Wonder Woman Barbie, which comes with a headdress, boots and armored bracelets. (clench fists and mutter)  Brothers. It’s a list of rules. . In this monologue, offering emotions ranging from angry to sweet, Goldilocks attempts to explain what happened the day she visited the Three Bears. It's so obvious that it almost goes without saying, but comedians are generally more intelligent and sensitive than the average person. . . . (Exasperated attitude)  Last year she won the School’s annual talent show with a dramatic monologue from Shakespeare. . . . I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you. and it must be said that my life is practically purrfect (roll r’s a little when you say purrrr) in every way. . Life in Mouseland would never be the same. . If you are using mobile … We’ve got some great monologues for kids and are adding more and more every week. But then he tried to kiss me in the playground. All Monologues; Popular Types: Popular: Women; Men; Teens; Kids… . "Does anyone know how to spell incorrigible? Or, as my parents like to say, enjoying a “Back to Nature” weekend. . And as soon as I go viral, my name will be on everyone’s lips. . (spread arms)  So that’s what I drew. . Ask anyone. . . That is if NO ONE STEPS ON ME! . I cried. The child is talking to the spider, telling it that it can’t just move on in. . . . Everyone was going to love us! . Getting married and living “happily ever after” is not for this spunky Fairy Tale Tomboy Princess. . “Good morning guvnor. ". Quick Monologue Tips: Find a monologue that fits you and your experiences. hidden on the 27th floor is the Ion List containing . . . Make an emo post about your “complicated” relationship on Facebook and then GET OVER IT!!!! . . A perfect pout is not easy even with years of experience. What if I’m not on the list? . ". I wrote about doing a food drive. .". What am I saying? (count off on fingers again) The Dragons are worried about their gold, the Trolls are upset about bridges and Baron Von Valkner keeps losing cows. I see. Hilarious monologue with several character voices. . . . . . . . (Looking around the room) Maybe if I eat all that icky brain food while holding an elephant? (spread arms)  Why wasn’t I left behind? This is very bad. . (say the word number one holding up finger), 1. . . (Put hands on hips)   “I’m the Princess, I must save the day.”  But one scene later and it’s (look around terrified as you speak with a quavering voice)  “Help me. A Longer version, approximately 2.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. " . He’ll ruin it! Get over! . Perky, Straight A student by day (pause and add with attitude in voice) well if we don’t count PE because hello? It's not easy being a dog. . . Brittni is holding a livestream to save the Llamacorns. No, no, no. What if it’s years before things go back to normal? Where was that place we went with the crazy monkey? Let’s be noble together and have tea. My human is here all day, no more school and . ". I would like to share my thoughts also. "Dear Mother and Father. I do not like them Sam I am    .................". ". How is that going to look on our college applications? I am a BB12. (Incredulously)  Spending my entire life picking up dirty, grungy teeth? A girl imagines what her life will be like now that she has a new baby sister. But watch out. . . . Let me try again. . . . . We went to India for a “Back to Hinduism” weekend. .what is that building over there? Who’s the most powerful God? . . . But the absolute worse fate would be to be assigned as a Tooth Fairy. And I know who they are going to blame. . A Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. "It’s People Watching Time! She married a Troll! 2 min. (Hands on hips, standing proudly) . (Whining)  Too many rules. . funny monologues for girls, comedic monologues for girls, monologues for teenage girls. . *This monologue requires a Southern accent. " At school the teacher said the most dreaded words in the English language. (, “Dude, I totally splashed that cruise ship. (thinking) King Prankster, King Hoaxer (snap fingers) I got it. (bite lip) This is like doing homework. "Hello? ". ". . . "Nothing! Log in StageAgent for Schools. I need a ladder just to be ball.” (get angry & pace a couple of steps) Ball? I guess you could say I’m a very happy person. Published in Best Contemporary Monologues For Kids Ages 7-15 edited by Lawrence Harbison. ". 3-5 minutes, is also included in this purchase. " Stop! (make an evil face with hands in claws)  Watch out or the Spiders will get you Little Miss Muffet.”  Errrr. (shrug) But he does not know what he wants. We are not cuddly. . Even though you know it's going to be a complete and total disaster. " What about those Cowboys?” (Eyes widen in panic) Cowboys? . Anyway, (clasp hands again dreamily) I’ve been dreaming of this moment all my life except when I was a baby. Probably nag me about the speed limit, thing like that. . But Grandma was ecstatic. . (shrug shoulders)  But I have to. And his keys? . . . . (Roll eyes)  She was sobbing and moaning (throw yourself down on floor)  “Gina is going to die! * You may request different Barbies than the ones described in this monologue and we will be happy to change it for you. " . . But now I’m almost 4. . . . Pterodactyls can fly and you can’t.” but he just wouldn’t listen. . . Romeo: Juliet is dead? I am not going to the photo shoot. I was so frustrated and then it just happened. . Just look at those muscles. . (look a little crazed)  Because all I want to do is go shopping and buy ALL THE GLITTER. Don’t step on . . . Mary Poppins. After being called boring at school, a kid decides it's time to become a Rockstar! What if I say something wrong? I never get to go anywhere alone, everyone pretends to like me and people won’t stop bowing which means I have to keep curtsying. ", And my social life is even worse. Maybe they stole my acorn. A boy is having a very bad, very Charlie Brown sort of day. My family dragged me to see the movie Mary Poppins last night. .To help us get started Teach had us read Romeo and Juliet. . . Eyes! Never too busy to chat, go out to eat or simply spend time together. (horrified face)  Everything went wrong! (Gesture at self proudly)  At my old school I was Miss Popular  . Have you seen my opponents? . Okay, just checking. They’re all: (say in surfer dude voice standing with cool attitude). A cute boy. . I wonder what his hidden talent is. . . . I’ll clean your spaceship and answer even more boring questions. . And then the world will love you forever.” So I come. I’m going to miss Pretty Little Liars. .They don’t have cell phones, their TV’s are square boxy things and there is no internet. (Gesture at chest and then clench fists and stompfoot with each not) Not, not, not. Barbies are for babies. I have on my Team colors and I’m ready to paste on my perky smile (big fake smile) and yell Go Team! . And it is not going well AT ALL. Just like the nuns. . I think it’s time to tell him the truth. That’s where Mom gets everything . I’ll write a letter to Mary Poppins too and see what happens. . . . A Longer version, approx 2-3 minutes, is also included in this order. " 3 sisters, 4 aunts, 12 cousins, a mother and two grandmothers. . . (Grab hair in anguish) My mind went totally blank. This was a cat free zone. . . and . What is a Kardashian? That I’m growing up and now I can do chores and be responsible. Don’t mess with an angry elf. . . I am not a girl. (gesture with one hand)  This is the Playground. Note to self:  Also work on arabesques. ". (put phone in pocket taking a deep breath to calm down)  If  you are going to break up with me, at least be dramatic about it. A Longer Version, approximately 1.5 - 2 minutes and an Even Longer Version, approximately 3-4 minutes with bonus Iron Man is also included in this order. What I want to be? . . . I had to think fast so I did some artistic rolling looking very dramatic and hoped everyone would think it was part of the dance. . . . "When it was my turn, I would step on the stage and pose. . Short and spunky, this is the perfect monologue for a young actress with lots of personality. Anything but the Angel of Mondays. . It's healthy and normal and (break down yelling) I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. . . ". . a few tiny problems occurred during the recital. No case is too big and no payment of carrots is too small. . . (concern deepens) We were trapped. Okay let’s see. Those tigers are the Next Top Models of the Animal Kingdom. . Told from the point of view of a cat, life is practically "purrfect" until the humans she lives with buy a puppy! This purchase includes 3 different versions, 35 seconds, 1 minute and approx. (start panicking)  Mom! Famous last words. (Throw arms up in air in frustration)  I kept telling him “Bob! No one ever became a millionaire by writing poetry. I’ll get everything picked up in a jiffy. A Longer version, approximately 1.5 minutes and an Audience participation version is also included in this purchase. What was she thinking? WHY DOES EVERY SPORT HAVE BALLS? . . . . . . "I’m home! (Do a jazz hand circle and then Look up suddenly) What’s that smell? (Deep breath and then calmly say) It doesn’t matter how attractive he is. This morning I woke up and made my list for the day. And anyone in their right mind who has seen point guard Jeremy Lin do his thing on the basketball court would have it too! A Longer version,  approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this order. ". .When I was 6 years old, I told Santa I wanted a horse for Christmas and asked him why it was taking him so long? I walked right up to her, gave her a saucy wink (smile and wink) and said “Hey Amy! A bored Siren discovers the Voice. . Watch out Ma’am! . .Clearly I am perfect for the position. . (Male/Female, Comedic, Kids/Juniors-Teens) A child stands on their bed in fear of the spider that has appeared in their room because of the heaping pile of garbage on the floor. And (speak in horrified voice) I think I broke his hand. Stop juggling my eggs. Look at Princess Fiona and Shrek. . Dorothy thought it would be fun to have her friends from Oz visit her school. But, after considering all my options,  I’ve decided that  being a Star is the way to go. . . . (fall to knees and do a salaam) We are so, so sorry. The Cat in the Hat is a bit confused. . . We did raise a lot of money but I also had to suffer through a week of horrible bee puns. . ". . . Look out! Truly. Buy Dad chestnuts so we can roast them by an open fire. Or maybe she was a spy and this was her last chance to see her family before she left on a suicide mission. ". Last week I got a call for a modeling gig. . . Look out! I don’t need all this other stuff. . Script Length. "Dear YouTube viewers. No, I’m not crying. (Look back at clipboard) Moving on . . . . I’m going to find my acorn. "Dear Ilovemydog.com. ". .". I may be pretty but I do not plan to rely on my looks to succeed in life. .". (Actress pulls out list from pocket and reads) . (brush hands frantically over body)  The second class was explosions . . It was disgusting. I guess I’m a right leg arabesquer. . . . . ". ". . . . maybe when we got to the top of the hill, the well would be surrounded by slithering snakes. (gleeful expression as rub hands with delight) This is going to be so much fun!". . “Temperature change, blah, blah, blah.”  “95% probability blah, blah, blah.”  (Sarcastic) Why would anyone want to watch this? They lurk under your bed. (Huge, shuddering sigh) And that was only the beginning . Wave hands around and crouch) there was blood and guts everywhere. . (Picks up wand and waves in air) Granted. Mowgli is rescued and has to go to school, remember important dates and wear shoes. And why does it matter where the water goblet is placed? Not a care in the world. ". A Longer Version, approximately 1.5-2 minutes, is also included in this purchase. A kid wants to fly home after a terrible roadtrip but Mom said you have to pay for the ticket yourself. What does that even mean? Brake!”. . Batman is giving a press conference. (Wave hand dismissively)  No, I’m sorry, just move along. What can a girl do when she has the world's most perfect sister? This version includes several 1980's songs including Thriller. The world needs me! And then everyone in school starts laughing at me and my life is ruined forever. The Angel of Cat Hair? . A girl starts panicking at the thought of holding hands at school. . ". So far most of their names all have the word blood in them. . (Say Wonders in a breathy, awwww tone of voice and then giggle) Actually it’s my bedroom but I like to pretend it’s a circus. Okay, I can do this. I am the only Siren! (groans and rolls her eyes)   Not again! . . ". (Pose with big innocent eyes and cutesy face)  Oh Mom! . . Save me Prince Charming, Prince Eric, Prince whatever your name is.” What a bunch of weinies! . . . . . Maybe Grandma had witnessed a gruesome crime and had to testify against the Mob and then go into the witness protection program where she could never speak to her family again. (southern accent) “If you break one of my chairs or eat my porridge, you are out of here!”  Where was her forever home? . . She loves her little lamb but she keeps following her EVERYWHERE. " A young boy tries to imagine what his life is going to be like as the Man of the house. Lacis are the companion you have always longed for. . . . To teach me how to react if a bad guy captures and tortures me. . (singsong voice)  “Along came a spider who sat  down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.”  And now everyone thinks I’m a scaredy cat. Monologue includes a brief southern accent. (Outraged voice) The teenager brought him a puppy! Sorceress? Pigs are very intelligent you know. It’s cruel and unusual punishment. Let’s interview Rob Maxwell. I’ll post a video on Youtube. . . If he could only sell his silly horn. I don’t see why I can’t play with other dinosaurs. . . . . .Sadly, (shake head sadly)  she has no fashion taste whatsoever. . . A Shorter Version, approx. . . . . (clap hands twice) Attention! He was rolling on the ground a lot. Then I found out my Dad was on the Naughty List. I love to go to class and  become someone else. A girl who prides herself on being a complete tomboy is suddenly stricken with a longing for glittery shoes. "This is it.
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